Sybill is Back

I have felt every emotion today. I look at myself in the mirror and see me and/or a stranger. I still dont know if I like what I see but understand that too is part of the journey. The thot of seeing my daddy in person is not working for me. Plus I have a Partylight candle party on Saturday and really dont know if I can handle the attention. (a shock to my Leo sensibilities). I promised I would wear my hair out for a week before I would think about covering it. Although I have been watching videos on youtube on how to wrap your head. Though what in the world would I look like like that???

Ive only cried once and have managed to go out in public twice. Ms Grace put stuff in my hair to make it curl yesterday and said all i had to do was wet it and it would curl right back. WRONG. I ordered the milkshake stuff from Curls last night. I hope it works for me like the ladies on Youtube.

I can't believe how scared I am to fool with my hair. It's insane!...Plus I already know it's not my strong suit but it's not like I can mess up much now is it?...LOL I bought suave coconut conditioner, shea butter, olive oil, glycerine and jojoba oil and cant see past my double chin, gray hairs and big azz cheeks AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO WITH MY HEAD!!!!! I want to make my own natural product so I will mix that tomorrow and try and set a regimine.

I've got damn near 40 years of hair ignorance to overcome....and I was dumb as a bucket of rocks to start with. But to even know what natural hair is supposed to feel like when you have been conditioned to think it is so horrible. I have to say I like the way it feels. I think I may too much stuff in it now.


DH says its great but he always says that. His first words were "neat" and this is a good thing we want your hair healthy. While it is great he is so supportive of everything I do I am a bit fragile and really needed hear was 'You're beautiful' or some malarky like that. LOL He keeps looking at me strange but then I guess out of allll the weaves and pieces I've had through the years this is the most drastic. Plus my timing isnt the best. Jev goes for Freshman orientation tomorrow and leaves for the summer program at NKU on the 7th. We've had to borrow alittle money from my daddy for that. I havent asked my daddy for jack since I got married. That was rough. My baby leaving the nest is stressing us out. Maybe my hair is the only thing I have the slightest bit of control of.

It is finished

I did it. I woke up yesterday and said if the girls visit went through (mom has not shown the past 3) then I would use my 3 hours to get my hair chopped. Well when the caseworker called and said to bring the girls I said...well let me try to get it braided first...LOLOL! So I drove around and called the places I had seen and not one shop was open or answering phones. So I went to Ms Grace and said cut all the bad hair off.

I did'nt burst into tears when I first saw myself. I took that as a good sign. My first thought was 'wow..those are some big cheeks.' then 'wow, I got alot of gray'. I dont know. My son hates it. He was sooo mortified the boy called my DADDY to tell him so he could yell at me. My daddy is old school. He called and asked why would I do a fool thing like that and told me DH would leave me for sure when he saw it. Mind you he hasnt actually SEEN me yet.

I keep looking into the mirror and saying "This is me. Im ok" I love the way it feels. Its going to take some time. I have to admit while I was out yesterday with the girls I didnt pay any attention and almost forgot my hair was gone. Im trying to get up the gumption to post pics.