From this day forward

I have wanted to go natural and loc for several years now but have never had the guts. My husband of 8 years, who is white, doesn't understand the problem. He says I'm acting like I'm getting a boob job. Its just hair. I agree....to a point. I want to do it. I love the look. I am tired of the chemicals. I don't want my hair to define me but I do want it to say that I am ok with me...naturally. I am tired of being afraid of my hair. Yet I feel like I am on top of the cliff about to bungee jump for the first time.

The transition of not having any hair terrified me. Im a big girl.. bald and double chin ..my mother would roll over in her grave! LOL Then I got micros for about a year and ended up with an "Afro" that hit the top of the door when I walked through. Sadly I didn't know how to handle it and felt like I couldn't go to my corporate job looking like a foxy brown wannabe so I wore a hairpiece for about a week and got it relaxed. Oh I how i regret that now.

Currently I am a stay at home mom with a son starting college and fostering 2 little girls (1 &3). Its been almost 3 months since I last used the creamy crack. I do the 3yr olds natural hair and see how manageable and beautiful it is and it is all i want her to know. I know in my heart its time for me. The stars are almost in line. The back of my head is full of naps while the front is straight. I cant find a soul to even braid my hair now. LOL!! So I will try to manage what I have until it works. I know I wont relax again. I refuse to spend $200+ to get micros or twist. I will loc or I will tough it out.

A woman on http://www.mykinkycreed.com/ inspired me to just try to twist my hair to see what happens. I did it!! and its been an hour and its still holding together. I so suck at hair so this is a major accomplishment for me! Now I wouldn't be caught dead in public but its a start. I look a hot mess or my son says like Coolio but I'm excited. I washed it with Carol's Daughter Rosemary Sea Moss shampoo and left in VO5 Tea Tree conditioner then used Jamaican Mango & Lime locking creme wax to twist. I know I should of made them smaller now. I have no clue what to do with the back. There are so many different lengths and textures back there. Not to mention I cant reach it and my hands are too big for that length.


Up until a couple of years ago I always had thick full shoulder length hair. Then fertility drugs made my diabetes go haywire and center back of my hair fell out. When I got the micros put in they filled in very nicely but as soon as I put the creamy crack on it has been going to hell in a handbasket. Anyways. There is a big chunk of hair on the left that is completely natural and so soft. I am just amazed. I almost wish it was all that way so I could figure out what to do. Ive been obsessed with youtube videos of women who did the BC. I am feeling uncomfortable in my own hair these days and want to just do it. How bold would that be??? I don't know if I can be that kind of woman but damn if I don't want to be one.

Sweet dreams