Going out in public

My baby is not home and I cant sleep.

I'm supposed to have lunch tomorrow with an old coworker downtown. I am debating wearing the instaweave. I've gone to the store and been out and about town just fine but I haven't actually seen anyone I know yet. Not to mention Char is white. Doing the candle party with my family and friends is one thing but going downtown where most of my old white coworkers will be. I don't know that I want to deal with the 'can I touch it' or explaining the process or just the initial 'Good-googly-moogly girl you cut your hair!!' I practically had to hold press conferences every time I changed my hair style when I worked there.

I know...it's time to put my big girl panties on and deal....but they some big azz panties...LOL

I washed my hair tonight because I put too much stuff in it and made up the spritz of glycerin, suave strawberry moisturizing conditioner and water. I saturated my hair with it and the washed and conditioned my hair with the keracare products the stylist gave me and put alittle grapseed oil in after towel drying. I couldnt remember if I was supposed to redo the spritz after washing or in the am so I am leaving it alone. Well after doing a cowash last week I can definately say that my hair feels alot softer doing the cowash. I think I will stick with that for now.

I have been stalking the boards over at nappturality.com today...well now yesterday. There is just so much information and support. I got caught up in the mental aspect of cutting off my hair going natural thing. This journey is so much more than hair I'm realizing. I have to get to the point where I can look in the mirror.....regardless of my hair......and say "Do you babygirl"....which I didnt realize I couldnt do. I have to fall in love with me all over again. You know I get that "I am not my hair" song stuck in my head alot but I dont think its true. I am very much my hair and I can be beautiful whether my hair is in an intsy wentsy fro or down my back. Getting to that space will be longer journey...the senic route if you will. Which is funny given that i full heartedly believe that I am beautiful whether my azz is a size 30 or 18. LOLOL


My daddy called and had a few more little digs to add about my lack of hair. I started to get all defensive but then I was like no. I dont need to justify this to him or anyone really. I want my hair to be long and healthy AND natural. These naps were God's intent for us from day 1 and I've got to learn to be ok and accept and praise what is. Thats a pretty powerful thing for me to realize. God made the first black person with nappy hair and the last one on this earth will have it too. There is nothing lacking or shameful about it.

Okay I am rambling now. Let me take my butt to bed.